I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
