dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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