mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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