Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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