I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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