I love black thongs
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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