She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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