I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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