bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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