you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
