You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Text me some of your sweat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
