I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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