one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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