Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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