He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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