How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
