My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
