So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Congratulations! We have a period
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
