I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
