we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
