What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
