my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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