I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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