Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
