I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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