Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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