he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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