Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
