i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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