The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
