scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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