Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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