I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
