Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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