I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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