Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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