i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
