I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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