So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
