Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
