it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
