You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
