dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
