it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
