I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He felt like a one man threesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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