I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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