in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want her autograph on my taint
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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