i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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