He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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