got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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