i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
